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Do You Feel Frumpy?

Believe it or not, some still think that being a grandmother is synonymous with looking frumpy. That passing 50 or 60 means turning the style corner to dowdy and getting on the fast train to unstylish. I don’t know about you, but turning 60 wasn’t even a small speed bump for me, my desire to dress stylishly didn’t change and I don’t feel frumpy.
Jennifer Connolly of A Well Styled Life wearing a column of black with checked duster

I have pictures of my grandmother at 60, and her style looks very different than mine. She wore her gray hair in a bun every day, with no makeup, housedresses, and clumpy looking shoes. So did all of her friends because that’s what was in style. She didn’t feel frumpy because she took time with her appearance and felt confident the way she looked.Jennifer Connolly of A Well Styled Life wearing Everlane sweater over checked pants and snakeskin ankle boots

I am a proud Granny myself. It’s important to me that I look current and wear what I feel is appropriate…for me. Does that mean I listen to rules others have made up about what I shouldn’t wear because of my age? Nope! I use my internal radar to guide me.Jennifer Connolly of A Well Styled Life wear cropped wide leg crop pants with denim jacket

I’ve had a few readers comment that I’m too old to wear a particular look. My response is always, “according to whom?”. I’ve also been told the outfit I was wearing looked frumpy. I respectfully disagreed each time. I felt confident wearing those outfits, and what’s important is how I feel.Jennifer Connolly of A Well Styled Life wearing leopard blouse with denim pants and black sweater duster

Many women our age are interested in remaining stylish and are finding advice online. Since print magazines have long abandoned our demographic, we use blogs, Pinterest, and Instagram to fill that gap. They provide style ideas, inspiration, instruction, and encouragement to keep us informed,White shirt tied at waist and skinny jeans on Jennifer Connolly of A Well Styled Life

We need to follow our internal guidance about what feels right on us. What looks frumpy to me, may not look or feel frumpy to you. Frumpy is not always about fashion. It’s often a state of mind and a nasty feeling that robs us of our confidence.

Have you ever felt frumpy…what did you do about it?

Thanks for reading, and remember to wear what makes you feel confident.

84 Comments

  1. I completely agree with you regarding the print media. Why aren’t there magazines that women over 50 are interested in? I love magazines, yet find nothing that I even want to read. I don’t care about movie stars. I don’t need difficult ideas for dinner or how to discipline children. Please, oh, please….can’t someone publish a magazine with ideas on grandchildren, traveling at this age, cooking for only two people or ideas on what I can make that we can just heat up when we want it? Thanks for letting me rant.

    1. Sandy, I have discovered a d british magazine called Woman and Home that is for us experienced women. There is travel, cooking, fashion and empowering stories of other women. I had given up on many others that I had followed for years. See if you can find it, it is fun.

  2. The jeans and white shirt style above is off the hook cool. I wear two huge and very helpful leg braces and use a walker. The braces have to be worn on the outside. No kidding. I am 66 years old and do not feel frumpy. My formula: I wear short flat boots, denim that tapers below the knees because it is easier to put the braces on, a long sleeved tee shirt that fits well, and always always always sunglasses because they make anyone look cool. I tie a scarf around my purse strap. Stick with youngish fabrics and do not match colors.

  3. You look great and your confidence is infectious. Keep up the good work!

  4. If people comment that you look frumpy, or your outfit is frumpy, I feel they are either 1) Jealous or 2)Just plain mean. People put others down to lift themselves up. I wonder how they would feel if someone said that to them? I think you look wonderful, youthful but age-appropriate.
    I’ll never understand why women don’t lift other women up, instead of trying to belittle them.
    “Mean Old Girls”
    Keep on Rocking It!
    (BTW, love to see you and Tania together.)
    Blessings

    1. I could not agree more, Linnie! Mean girls grow into mean women. I do adore Tania:)

  5. I also posted on the facebook page, I need some advice on what to wear to the gym, as that is when I feel “frumpy”. .Jennifer, you always look put together and not frumpy, keep doing what you do!

    1. Please send me an email Anna. We can figure this out together

  6. Jennifer, you never look frumpy but always stylish. You may wear something that I wouldnā€™t but we have very different body types. Iā€™m 66 and have no intention of dressing like grandmothers of the past. I feel vital and young and will keep highlighting my hair until it feels wrong, will not give up my jeans whether they be straight leg, bootcut or skinny, wear make up every day, get regular pedicures…
    Thank you for being real!

    1. Thanks for being here Joanna. I look forward to your comments

  7. Great topic! I looked up the definition of frumpy. ā€œOld fashioned and dowdyā€. Now, thereā€™s a big difference between feeling frumpy and being frumpy. I know a lot of men and women who are confidently wearing fashions from 20 years ago and donā€™t feel frumpy at all but certainly look frumpy!

    It takes awareness, effort and some money to keep up with the times. Itā€™s easy to find a couple of fashion trends that work for you at a certain age – letā€™s say 45 – and then stick with it forever. I think I was one of them! I know a few women still wearing shoulder padded paisley tops. Or mom jeans. One really needs to keep updating clothes and they must fit your current body.

    This is why your guidance is so inspirational. Iā€™ve learned so much from your blog. You were the first style blogger I followed. I thought Iā€™d learn a couple of tips and see pretty clothes. But you inspired a lifestyle of keeping the whole package up to date!

    I enjoy shopping but I get very discouraged when I donā€™t find things. Following an inspirational blogger and the online community of readers has been a game changer. Iā€™m not the only one struggling here! Weā€™re all in this together!

    I rarely feel frumpy anymore, and much of the credit goes to you.

    1. Thank you for sharing Marian! I’m so glad you’re here with us.

  8. This might be an example of “frumpy is as frumpy does”. If I feel like I look frumpy, I will take the time to “unfrump” (that’s a technical term, you know!) myself and my look. Dress up the outfit with a cute necklace or change my shoes or bag. Because I’m a sweater knitter for myself, I have many cardigans to choose from, so I might change my outerwear from a wear-around-the-house sweater to one that I love to be seen in. Also, I try to never leave the house without makeup (“pale” pretty much describes my natural state!) and my hair looking good.

    1. Unfrump is a great way to describe it Barb! We all know when we feel it. The important part is knowing how to fix it, for ourselves. Thanks for sharing

  9. Good question! I feel frumpy on days when I have a negative approach to my life – when I focus on what isnā€™t rather than what is. It spirals down to how I look and my clothes. So, yes I have days when I feel frumpy / grumpy but I try to minimize them by taking charge of my attitude and not letting someone elseā€™s opinion make me question my own.

    1. Thank you for sharing that Sue. You are not alone in those feelings.

  10. To avoid feeling frumpy, I look at the internet for ideas. When I travel I look at the styles I admire on older women. I try to be aware of clothing, makeup, and shoe updates, but still keep a classic, timeless look. I do believe nicer fabrics and quality shoes work well on older women, Iā€™ve always thought that, even as a young woman.

  11. I’m finding it hard to not feel “frumpy” with a large chest. The things you wear are wonderful, but keeping things in proportion is harder when one part of you is out of proportion. When younger, I was thin; so, I find myself drawn to things that are no longer appropriate. If there’s a good answer, I’d surely like to hear it.

    1. Lynda, I have the same problem! Since I am only 5’1″ tall, the big bust makes me look heavier than I am. To minimize the bust area, I wear a minimizer bra and, most of the time, I wear non-clingy, v-necked tops in darker colors. (Even if the top is a print, I select prints that have a dark background that matches my pants or skirt.) Also, I try to wear wear shaped jackets, hoodies, or sweaters over my tops, and then I add a long scarf or necklace. These few tricks seems to fix the proportion problem for me.

    2. Get a professional bra fitting ā€” stores like Soma, Fitting Touch or Cacique are good places to start ā€” and let them guide you to a great minimizer! And if your weight goes up or down by even 10 pounds, go back for a re-fitting, because that can make a difference in how your bra fits. The right minimizer can make a world of difference in balancing proportions. It has for me.

    3. Proportion is critical for you, Lynda. Shoot me an email please

  12. I am a 70 year old grandmother of 4, and I never feel frumpy. Iā€™ve been told I look 60. I love fashion and love shopping with my best friend! I wear classic, simple clothes…comfort is key. Living in Colorado jeans go everywhere. I live in slim jeans with fun sneakers like leopard, classy loafers and boots; blazers, sweaters, and denim jackets. I love scarves and recently purchased a beautiful snakeskin print. I am grateful for Pinterest and blogs like yours Jennifer…you look fabulous! Itā€™s true magazines have abandoned us, but we can still look great. Fashion should be fun at any age!

  13. I am 76 and a grandmother of 6. Because I enjoy shopping and putting together stylish outfits, I hardly ever feel frumpy. The clothes I wear often make me feel healthy and energetic. For me, easy medicine,

    Jennifer, keep it up. I enjoy reading your blog and appreciate your thoughts on how to look thinner, more stylish, and more interesting.

  14. YES, I definitely experienced feeling frumpy and distinctly recall it, however it was namely due to what was fashionable at the time. It was during my first pregnancy during the era (early 70’s) when maternity wear was best described as just plain horrid which in turn as a ‘hobby sewer’ actually inspired me to make my own, first complete wardrobe. Those in my age group I am sure can relate to what I am saying and thankfully in this respect the industry and general mind-set has come a long way since then. Oh, BTW that child I speak of is a Fashion Designer now. Co-incidence? I don’t know, but we often joke about it how he may have been ‘very early’ influenced, to choose the career he did. Wishing you a beautiful day, Jennifer. -Brenda-
    P.S.: I totally agree with Leslie (above) about Helen Mirren as feel she is definitely an icon to be admired, in more ways than one.

    1. When I look at what I wore during my pregnancies, I am horrified! I sewed all my own clothes and made very unflattering clothes. Thanks for sharing Brenda xx

  15. Putting in the exercise, healthy diet, taking care of my skin, reading to stay on top of some trends and trying to stay up with what’s going on around me is my key to not being frumpy.
    The best compliment I’ve had recently ( in a wry kind of way) was from my radiation oncologist, who said I was ‘a very young 67’. We take what we can get sometimes…

    1. Of course, that’s a compliment to take to heart! Bravo Susan.

  16. I am so grateful that I recently discovered your blog. It is helping me realize I have some frumpy habits that I am rapidly changing due to your wonderful advice. Also, thanks for the hair comments and tips. My hair is very similar to yours, yikes!

  17. frumpy happens in your mind and not in your fashion. Didn’t know that you already passed the 60’s…you look
    so young and vivid.

  18. I can’t think of a time I thought you looked frumpy, so that’s surprising. And to me, putting some effort into my appearance will go on until I am dead. šŸ™‚

  19. Kelley Kramer says:

    I absolutely agree with all comments however can add a little something to this conversation? When attending events, out with friends, work etc. I wear what I do feel good wearing. THEN, I see a picture of myself. And I think, ā€œWhat was I thinking?!?ā€ So while we absolutely should wear what we love and are comfortable in, we also need to face reality in that some of our choices DO look frumpy. And thatā€™s ok! But we canā€™t absolutely say because we love it looks good!

  20. Hi Jennifer….I will be turning 60!! December 2 !!!!?
    I do not feel frumpy at all either….I am a Nana to 4 grandchildren of whom 2 are 18!! I started young and so did my girls. I feel so stylish in all my outfits and I shop ALOT!!! Love me some inexpensive ā€œtrendsā€ from Walmart and I love to shop at goodwill and consign shops.

  21. Thank you for this post. Your blog, your pictures, and you are an inspiration to me. I just turned 70 and that feels old when I say it, however, I am often taken for much younger because I work at it. There are three things that make me feel frumpy very quickly if they aren’t right: my hair, my weight, and my outfit. I love the silver gray trend for hair that looks fabulous on so many. I tried it and, sadly it is not for me, yet! It made me feel frumpy. I have to keep my weight in check, especially around the middle, or I feel frumpy. Daily toning exercises that I do at home help, but if I skip a few days, all my effort is gone. And of course, my choice of clothing makes a huge difference. I enjoy looking current and think that has a big impact on how others perceive my age. I keep my style choices simple, slim jeans and pants with a sweater or shirt look the best on me. I also wear stylish shoes/boots that are comfortable to complete my look. There are so many stylish sneakers and flats out there now so comfort is easy to find.

  22. I think getting inspiration, advice and encouragement from blogs written by women near my age is a so much more authentic way to stay current in fashion. So happy you have chosen to help fill that gap left open by todayā€™s mainstream sources. They donā€™t realize how powerful this generation of women can be. At least not yet . . . .

  23. Perfect! I like to look nice and itā€™s important to me to keep my appearance up. I am a widow and grandmother of seven. I try to stay contemporary as much as possible. I did let my hair go gray because I like it but I always get it cut in a modern style. I put makeup on every single day, no matter if Iā€™m going to see anyone. Itā€™s for me. I am 73 years old and not slowing down any time soon. When I think of women in their seventies I think of Maye Musk or Helen Mirren. We should all do and wear what we are happy with. Thank you for this article, Jennifer.

    1. Thank you Leslie! Maye Musk and Helen Mirren are wonderful examples.

  24. You nailed it, Jennifer! How you feel about yourself is entirely up to you — nobody should let others shame them into wearing old lady garments that just serve to make older women invisible. In terms of what makes me feel frumpy, it’s the weight I’ve put on these last few years — can’t believe how tough it is to shed pounds now!

    1. I’m right there with you! We need to raise each other up.

  25. J'Laine Bradley says:

    I agree completely. At 56 I wonā€™t stop coloring my hair, wearing makeup or my blue jeans. I want to look age appropriate (whatever that really is) and current.

  26. Love you in the cropped culottes. They really suit you by widening your lower half. I am a similar shape and I didn’t think I could do culottes but maybe I’ll give them a try. Love your blog and your whimsical honesty!

  27. Jennifer you are so right. As a 65 year old grandmother of five I pride myself on remaining stylish. Your blog is a wonderful inspiration.Thank you.

  28. For me feeling frumpy is the added weight gain. Canā€™t get the belly fat gone. ?

    1. I so agree. With the added weight I canā€™t find clothes that feel attractive on me.

  29. Hi Jennifer, love your blog. Opinions are opinions. If you are comfortable in your own skin, those opinions don’t matter.

  30. Cathy Blackwell says:

    Jennifer you are so right!!! I agree that “frumpy” has to be a self-defined description. I love these looks on you. Especially the long black & white sweater, the long white sweater with leggings & the jeans with the white shirt. Unfortunately, I’m many, many inches taller than you (I”m 5’10”) so many of your clothes don’t come in lengths right for me but I get such GREAT ideas! My little rebellion from decades of working in corporate offices is that when I retired I stopped wearing contact lenses and stopped wearing make up. FREEDOM! I do dig out the foundation, etc. for weddings but for every day … nope! As I am getting into my late 60’s I may re-evaluate but I am definitely a simple is better gal.
    Thank you for your articles and choices. I really enjoy them.

    1. naniscah r apperson says:

      HI-
      I have been a Fashionista my whole life and I am 70
      Starting about 6 months ago I started feeling frumpy and then I found you and Dominique Sache in Texas.
      I look forward to your e-mails
      And I am originally from California so love that conection
      Onward,
      Naniscah

    2. Cathy I’ve given up the makeup too at almost 65. Love not thinking about it! I put it on for weddings/formal events and that’s it….and I feel great just wearing me. As another 5’10″er I too am reading for ideas and Jennifer you have a lot of great ones that are perfect for those of us who are retired. I really appreciate your view. Thanks!

      1. Cathy Blackwell says:

        Kate we should compare notes on clothes & shoes etc that we find and that fit! It’s nice to find another 5’10” woman!

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