It felt innocent enough. After all, it was a busy summer for everyone.
I called her to meet for lunch.
Her~ “I’m pretty busy with my new art classes” Hmm, was I imagining something off?
Me~ “Have I done something to upset you?”.
Her~ “Of course not, I’m just busy!”.
I called to meet for coffee.
Her~ “I’ve got book club and I’m meeting my new girlfriends from art class”.
I sent an email…chit chatting and asking to meet for coffee. No response.
I called and left a voice mail…No response.
I texted to follow up.
Me~ “Is everything OK with you? How are things in your life?”.
Her~ “We’re leaving town for Thanksgiving, in 3 weeks.”
This was the end of October! What’s up with that? Everyone’s busy, but a quick coffee is too hard to schedule within a three week period?
I followed up with a voicemail.
Me~ “Have a safe trip and Happy Thanksgiving! We’re taking off for a 3 week Motorhome adventure. I’ll call you when I get home”…No response.
I send an email.
Me~ “How was your Thanksgiving, yada, yada, yada. Have you got time to meet for a quick coffee?”…No response.
Since she doesn’t answer (my) calls anymore I send a text.
Me~”Can you meet for coffee?”
Her~”Dinner party tonight! We’re leaving for Kansas in 4 weeks.” Seriously?
Me~”Have fun at the party, what’s in Kansas?”
This is a woman I felt very close to. We’d shared many laughs, confidences and seemed to be on many of the same wavelengths. We’ve only been friends for a few years, but we’d been close.
The sting got more painful the longer this went on so yesterday afternoon I phoned.
No answer…no surprise.
And it all just flowed out…
Me~ “Hi …, it’s Jennifer. I’m calling to find out if you’ve decided you don’t want to be my friend anymore. Maybe you’ve forgotten to tell me you’re through with me. I hate to think I’m imagining this. If I’m not, please put me out of my misery. I really hope you’re doing well. Take care. Bye.”
*I knew she was out & about, doing very well. I’d heard all about her busy party season.
I felt a huge weight lift. My chest didn’t feel tight anymore. I didn’t feel teary and puzzled. It felt like I’d ripped a bandaid off. Quick and clean. I’m usually a direct person, but this was the first time I’d put it all out there so openly. I’m sure my bravery was in no small part, enhanced by the voice mail. No matter. I’m over it.
Her silence throughout the evening and this morning is confirmation that I really didn’t need. I knew it was over. I forced it to be over by opening a window to shed light on what now seems so obvious. She’s just not that into to me…anymore.
I won’t say being dumped by a girlfriend isn’t painful, because it is. This same thing happened to me about 20 years ago. Back then, the pain and wondering went on for months.
This time, I’m fine. What I tolerated at 38 is no longer acceptable at 58!
It doesn’t matter why she decided what she did. I won’t allow someone’s neglect or rejection of me affect how I feel about myself.
When you just know in your gut that it’s over, but you keep trying.
Can you save a friendship with persistence?
How long can or should you persevere trying to fix it?